最近不是太正常，晚上总是很困却睡不着，总是要辗转2个多钟头，每晚都有“干脆通宵算了”的念头。在工作里犯些很低级的错误，比如一句话里少打一个词，或是把人家牌子名字拼写错，蠢得难以置信。论文的最后1/3里忽现无数法语错误，在听完很多人表扬法语进步后，又重新反思自己这些年到底学了啥，写出来的东西怎会如此惨不忍睹。人家Lucie一边赶着自己100页的论文一边还帮我改，真是难为她了。可惜给Isabelle审核的是我那个错误百出的版本，希望没把中国人的台坍到她又要很多年不敢招中国人，不然我就罪孽深重了。其实上班真的很累，像我这样神经比较细的孩子要是去做alternance，肯定要看心理医生了。我更加羡慕法国人了，为什么我们的细胞里就是没有那种随性和洒脱，受最好的教育、找大公司的工作、嫁有前途的老公、在某个年龄成家立业、用一辈子的辛苦劳动买天价的房子，每个人都理所当然地按社会强加给我们的标准过一辈子，麻木而疲惫的生活着。其实我想像法国人那样，不在乎补考，休学去别的国家做保姆来体验生活顺便学习外语，聚会而不是逛街，不分上下级地平等协商不满，工作到一定年纪再奔向新的国家回归学生。出国一趟的收获比我想象得还要多，这些酸甜苦辣大概足够回味一辈子，而所谓收获多从一定程度上讲是因为经历过的不愉快多，但人生就需要一些催化剂，把人推向所谓的“不可能”。最近看到一首小诗，语句很朴实，但内容很深刻。

I used to have a comfort zone
where I knew I wouldn't fail.
The same four walls and busywork
were really more like jail.

I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much.
I said I didn't care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own. 

I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you're in a comfort zone,
afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.